“That’s the calmest collie I’ve ever seen!” commented the man in the shop.
Finally, I thought, we’ve fooled someone. This dog was an out and out loon who spent her first two years attracting tutting and judgmental comments with her reactive behaviour.
But then I thought about how much had shifted for Lani. Actually she’s mostly happy, sleeps easily, is fun to be around, and often calm. After that first compliment from a stranger, I realised how much had changed in her default state.
So what got us from “overreactive nervous wreck” to “calm for a collie.”?
(Yes, this is one of my “lessons from my dog” posts – indulge me…)
• Prioritised rest – built it into her routine and taught the skills for it
• Exercise – enough, not exhausting
• Play – especially turning training into no pressure play
• Sniffing, chewing, licking – dog hobbies for calm
• Cuddles – who doesn’t need that oxytocin hit?
• Reliable humans – safe, steady cheerleaders
• Avoided stressors while building resilience, later expanding her world bit by bit
• Exercise – enough, not exhausting
• Play – especially turning training into no pressure play
• Sniffing, chewing, licking – dog hobbies for calm
• Cuddles – who doesn’t need that oxytocin hit?
• Reliable humans – safe, steady cheerleaders
• Avoided stressors while building resilience, later expanding her world bit by bit
Now for the clunky bit – comparing easing a dogs reactive state to looking after yourself in pain and stress.
When my pain was at its worst, I was constantly tense, wired, and (I hate to admit it) reactive. Gradually shifting my baseline state to more relaxed, open, and calm helped me cope better with the pain, and then it began to fade.
So the process was not so different from Lani, really. If this stressed out state of being feels familiar, here are some questions to ask yourself.
Do you:
- sleep enough?
- Do you allow yourself to stop and rest guilt free?
- give yourself real rest when you stop? Or are you tense even then?
- have your own “sniffing” hobbies – relaxing, absorbing, fulfilling?
- move your body enough (for what you need now, in a way you need now)?
- get support where you can
- say no to what drains you if you can?
- make time for things and people that genuinely lift your mood?
I think the best approaches shift your baseline state. Both with general support, and more specific skills.
Get in touch if you want to find out how Alexander Technique can help you shift your baseline.